Come onnnnn FET cycle

So I’m not sure if this rage is from PMS or from “coming down from hormones” from my egg retrieval cycle, but it is in high gear. Doesn’t help when my significant other is defensive and condescending instead of understanding and patient. I’m hoping it is PMS because it feels like I have known about my embryos and have been waiting around forever. There is so much waiting in this process, and I’m far from patient. On top of feeling crazy highs and lows, I have been so disappointed with the lack of any sort of contact from certain people, as previously expressed. Realllly needing to get over this hump so I can focus on the positive.

Why are you annoyed today, Gillian?

It would be nice to have verbal support from more “friends” and “family.” I understand that infertility is a taboo topic, and people don’t necessarily know what to say. But I don’t think it is expecting too much for people I have known and been close friends with for years, some decades, to reach out even ONCE and say “hey I am thinking of you” or “wishing you the best!” Or just something as simple as sending hugs.” It is one thing to pretend you don’t see at least one of my many posts, but you can’t claim innocence when I literally reach out to you and you don’t even respond. People don’t get it, but again, my expectations are not very high. When you are going through the most difficult thing in your life and you are vocal about it, you realize who your true friends are and it is often surprising. That cliche is a reality for me. Certain people have also commented in ways that seem judgy as if they are trying to shame me. Or maybe it just comes off that way through text? Disappointing.

Cycle day 23 and Annoyed

Things were going way too smoothly. Now I am not so sure about a natural cycle transfer...unless it is normal to ovulate on day 23, a week late, the cycle after egg retrieval? I wouldn’t know because they didn’t call me back. This moves things back a bit, since my period won’t come for two weeks after ovulating...this delays things a full week. Maybe more if my cycles are messed up? We decided on a natural transfer instead of medicated specifically because my cycles were regular and normal-30 days, ovulate day 14-16. Trying not to stress about this, and wish they called me back. 

what the cycle of a transfer looks like, summarized

Waiting around for cycle day 1. Have never been so looking forward to getting my period! The sooner it comes, the sooner we begin. My doctor recommended a “natural cycle transfer”. He has gotten us this far with success, so I am trusting him. At least I will not have any injections! On day 10, I start daily monitoring (bloodwork and ultrasound). This continues each morning until LH surge is detected. LH surge happens just before ovulation. 2 days after the surge, I start progesterone. 4ish dats after that, we will do the transfer. (We already chose the embryo.) 12 days after transfer, pregnancy test. Fingers crossed that we are successful with our first transfer!!

Balanced scale

Having a moment. I’m honestly surprised at a few people who have been completely silent since we have shared some of what we have gone through in the past 4 years. It doesn’t take much to comment or text and say “hey, that sucks. I’m here for you.” Or “sending good vibes” or even “♥️”. I’m an empath 100%, which is likely why it bothers me. I guess through tragedy and tough times, people show their true colors. Some who you think will be there aren’t, and others who you didn’t even realize cared shine through. Good thing there is a balance, or I’d be super bummed out. 

Drumroll, please

Three! Three three threeee embryos with normal healthy chromosomes!! And two more with low-level mosaic! The amount of relief I feel is abundant. Cautiously optimistic...one step closer. 

I want all three of them. But we will transfer one, in about a month from now, after some monitoring. 

Waiting and waiting some more

The first part of IVF flies by, because you’re actively taking shots, being monitored with bloodwork and ultrasounds and talking to doctors. When you do PGS testing, it feels like an actual lifetime of waiting. They call you the day after egg retrieval, then again on day 5/6, and then it is 2 weeks before you hear from them again. Two long, silent weeks spent living in your head wondering what’s happening with your potential future child. The lab charged my credit card today, which means results were likely sent to my doctor. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.